Use Your Boundaries
The Power of Boundaries: Creating Space for Healthy Living
In conversations about mental health and relationships, the word boundaries comes up often. But what are boundaries, really? At their core, boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being. They are not walls to shut people out, but guideposts that help us connect with others in healthy, sustainable ways.
Boundaries communicate what is acceptable for us and what is not. They help us honor our needs while respecting those of others. When boundaries are unclear or absent, we may feel resentful, exhausted, or taken for granted. When they are too rigid, we may feel isolated. The healthiest boundaries are flexible, clear, and aligned with our values.
Examples of Boundaries in Daily Life:
Time Boundaries: Saying no to an extra commitment when your schedule is already full. This allows you to protect rest, family time, or activities that recharge you.
Emotional Boundaries: Reminding yourself that you are not responsible for fixing everyone else’s feelings. You can support a friend while still recognizing their emotions are theirs to process.
Work Boundaries: Logging off at a set time or not checking email on weekends. This helps preserve balance and prevents burnout.
Personal Boundaries: Asking for privacy when you need space, or letting others know you don’t wish to discuss certain topics.
At first, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to prioritizing others over yourself. But boundaries are not selfish—they are acts of self-respect. They also benefit relationships by making expectations clear and reducing hidden resentments.
If you’re wondering where to begin, try these small steps:
Pause and Notice: When do you feel drained, resentful, or overextended? Those moments often point to a need for a boundary.
Start Small: Practice with one area of life, like carving out 10 minutes of quiet time each day or politely declining a non-essential request.
Be Clear and Kind: Boundaries don’t need long explanations. A simple “I can’t commit to that right now” is enough.
Expect Discomfort: It’s normal for others—and even yourself—to need time to adjust. Hold steady, knowing you’re choosing long-term well-being.
Healthy boundaries create the foundation for emotional balance, resilience, and deeper connection. When we respect our own limits, we make space for relationships that are more authentic, supportive, and life-giving. Remember, boundaries are about you protecting what is important to you.
Boundaries are not about getting other people to do what you want. Telling your spouse, “You need to go to the movies with me weekly if you love me,” is not a boundary. That’s an attempt at control. However, prioritizing time for yourself to go to the movies (regardless of whether your spouse wants to go with you) and communicating it in a loving way is a boundary, because it’s about your behavior.
I can’t overstate the importance of being Clear and Kind when communicating your boundaries. Keep your tone generous and gentle, and keep your explanations concise and clear. Venting will get you nowhere fast.
Good luck!
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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