How to Make a Decision
Ever feel like making a decision is harder than it should be? Sometimes we get stuck in what’s called a double bind—a situation where it feels like you lose no matter what you choose. Darned if you do, darned if you don’t.
These kinds of tensions are part of life. Navigating them can be deeply uncomfortable. But avoiding them usually only prolongs our suffering. That’s why it helps to have a simple framework for decision-making when you feel stuck.
The one I return to often can be summed up in a simple equation:
Personal Values + Capacity to Risk = Healthy Discernment
Your personal values are the qualities you want to embody as a person—things like love, freedom, creativity, independence, service, adventure, or spirituality. When you’re stuck in a decision, the first step is to return to your values. Do you know the kind of person you want to be?
The second step is to realistically assess your capacity to risk given your current circumstances. There’s no right or wrong answer here. This step is about taking ownership of the fact that you can’t control outcomes—you can only decide what you’re willing and able to live with.
For example, imagine you’re offered a high-paying job that requires frequent travel, but you have young kids at home. Reviewing both your values and your capacity to risk becomes essential. What does being a good parent mean to you? What does being a good provider mean? What feels most important right now? What kind of legacy do you want to leave?
Then comes the harder question: do you have the capacity to risk missing time with your kids for the benefits of higher pay? Only you can answer that.
In my experience, decisions that align with our values and fall within our capacity to risk tend to be choices we can live with. Even when the outcome isn’t what we hoped for, we’re more likely to feel grounded, at peace, and confident that we chose well.
So, if you’re feeling stuck, or like you’re in the middle of a double bind, there is a way out. Get clear about your values and take stock of your risk tolerance. After that, make a move!
Here’s to growing in our ability to make decisions.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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