The holidays are a great time to practice working like a team.
But teamwork gets a lot harder when we have expectations that haven't actually been communicated—or agreed upon.
You know the scenario.
You think, “Of course we're going to do it this way.” Your partner, kid, or family member thinks something completely different. Then the holiday arrives, they don't do what you expected, and suddenly you're frustrated because, “I can't believe you didn't know!”
Here's the problem: an expectation isn't clear just because it's clear in your head.
So this holiday season, here's a simple four-point checklist for establishing clear expectations:
1. Is it known ahead of time?
Don't wait until you're in the middle of the chaos to announce what you expect. Talk about it beforehand. This gives everyone a chance to think, prepare, and participate rather than simply react.
2. Is it reasonable given the context?
You're allowed to want whatever you want. But wanting something doesn't automatically make it reasonable.
Consider the circumstances. Consider the other person's needs and limitations. And remember: being part of a team means taking the whole team into account.
3. Have you clearly communicated your desire?
This one seems obvious, but you'd be surprised how often we skip it.
Other people can't read your mind.
If you haven't actually asked for something, you don't really have the right to expect it. “I shouldn't have to ask” is one of the quickest ways to turn an unspoken desire into a grievance.
So ask. Be clear. Say what you want.
4. Has the other person agreed?
This is the tricky one.
Sometimes we'll mention something in passing, our partner says, “Okay,” and we walk away thinking we've established a clear expectation.
Then later, when things don't happen the way we expected, they say, “Wait—I didn't agree to that!”
And we're tempted to get bent out of shape.
Nope. Don't pout. Get clear.
Make sure the other person actually understands what you're asking and agrees to it. If necessary, have them repeat it back to you. Now you've got something you can both count on.
And here's the beautiful thing: clear is kind.
Brené Brown has often emphasized this idea, and I think it applies beautifully to relationships. Clarity isn't demanding. It isn't controlling. It's a way of respecting the other person enough to let them know what you need—and giving them the opportunity to say yes, no, or negotiate.
That's teamwork.
Because the goal isn't to get everyone to do exactly what you want.
The goal is to create a holiday season where everyone knows what they're signing up for—and gets a genuine chance to be part of the team.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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