Grow Your Relationship with Radical Ownership
April in the Midwest brings a sense of renewal. As fresh signs of life emerge, we are reminded that what we thought was gone was merely in a season of rest. Now is the time for growth.
I invite you to take this inspiration and apply it to your connections with yourself and others. It’s time for relational growth! In April, our Transformation Tips emails will focus on the theme of Radical Ownership.
What is Radical Ownership?
Radical Ownership is your commitment to keep your side of the relational street clean. It’s a promise to yourself to stop blaming, complaining, and venting. Instead, roll up your sleeves and show the kind of love you wish to receive. You are 100% responsible for yourself, and you can remain relationally mindful, even when your spouse, partner, friend, or co-worker is having a tough time.
The Key Shift: From Blaming to Leading with Love
You’ll need to manage that negative voice in your head—the one that whispers (or shouts):
“But I always relent!”
“What about them?”
“I’m tired of being the one who does XYZ!”
“If they really loved me, they would act differently!”
“This isn’t fair!”
Yeah. That voice.
That voice signals you might be in fight, flight, or fix mode. There’s no shame in that; we all experience it. However, to practice Radical Ownership, it’s essential to recognize and calm that voice. Leading with love isn't about what seems "fair"; it's about acting in a way that supports the betterment of your relationship—especially with your partner.
When we’re in fight, flight, or fix mode, we often react in a more childish manner, which can create tension between partners. I frequently see couples with their arms crossed, entrenched in their positions, each fixated on how unreasonable the other is. They wait for the other to make the first move, often for years. Unfortunately, they become stuck in blame, and much of my work involves helping them shift out of this mindset and practice relational mindfulness.
The Practice of Radical Ownership
Radical Ownership is a crucial aspect of relational mindfulness. It helps you catch your negative defaults, take a breath, and support your partner. It leads with love.
So, I invite you into this season of relational growth. Practice Radical Ownership by:
Remembering that you are 100% responsible for yourself.
Stopping the blame and starting to lead with love.
Keeping your negative voice in check.
Considering the person across from you and doing what you can to love them in a way that supports their growth.
The big shift here is about focusing on the question “What does love require of me in this moment?” If you are embodying qualities like patience, humility, flexibility, warmth, nuance, and realistic expectations, then you’re on the right track.
Consider this your invitation to nurture your spouse or partner. When couples stop the standoff and begin to give the love they hope to receive, amazing new life can blossom in their relationship.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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