Love Without Boundaries Isn’t Love
Here is an unhelpful myth about committed relationships that I encounter from time to time …
If I really love someone, I should always put their needs before my own.
That may sound noble, but it isn't sustainable.
In fact, love without boundaries isn't love—it's self-abandonment.
Many of us learned that being a "good" spouse or partner meant keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, and making sure everyone else was okay. We say yes when we mean no. We stay quiet when something hurts. We over-function because it's easier than disappointing someone we care about.
At first, it can even feel generous.
But over time, something begins to grow beneath the surface: resentment.
The truth is, resentment is often the bill that comes due for the boundaries we never set.
From an RLT perspective, healthy love requires Full Respect Living. That means I honor both of us. I don't throw myself under the bus to keep you happy, and I don't expect you to do that for me either.
Healthy boundaries aren't selfish. They're honest.
Sometimes that honesty sounds like, "I'm not okay with this." Sometimes it sounds like, "I need a break before we continue this conversation." And sometimes it sounds like, "I'd love to help, but I can't this time."
Notice that none of those statements attack or control another person. They simply communicate what is true for you in a clear and loving way.
If you’re not able to speak your truth then you’re not risking much vulnerability. And that doesn’t give your partner the opportunity to truly know you, show up for you, and love you.
So, keep this in mind today: Love without boundaries isn’t really love.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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