Saying No To Good Things Is Hard
Saying No To Good Things Is Hard
Anyone else feel a knot in your stomach when you’re about to say “No” to something good?
Maybe the PTA really needs a few more volunteers. Maybe your kids really want to do just one more awesome activity this summer, but their schedule is already packed. Or perhaps your spouse wants to go out to eat for the third time this week, but you’ve committed to keeping to the budget.
Oof. Why does this feel so hard sometimes?
Saying “No” to things and people you don’t like is an absolute cakewalk in comparison.
Well, at least it’s a bit easier for me anyway. 😀
But when the thing seems fun, or you really like the person, or it is a good cause … dang it. We don’t want to miss out, and we certainly don’t want to let anyone down.
Here’s the thing - It’s OK to feel disappointed when we say “No.”
It’s just a sign that we care. That’s good.
But we still have to hold the line sometimes. Even when what we’re declining is a good thing. Overfunctioning will lead to burnout. Saying yes to everyone and everything isn’t sustainable, especially in your intimate relationship.
But to show up as our best selves, we must constantly be discerning not just the good things but the best things. We must ask, even though this thing is good, am I sacrificing a better thing by saying yes?
If so, that’s a sign we might need to slow down and breathe before we say yes to another thing. Might our spouse, partner, kids, or friends be disappointed if we say no? Yep. Sure might. But that’s part of showing up as your Wise Adult self.
You pause, you think, and then make the best call you can.
We don’t have to be harsh when we say no. We can still let people know how much we love them and wish them well, while also saying, Sorry, not this time.
Remember, boundaries are self-imposed limits we create to protect what matters most to us. When we say No, it is protecting a more important Yes. So, be mindful before you say Yes too often. Make sure you’re protecting what really matters.
Happy to be in your corner,
Tom Page, LCPC
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